I grew up in a frugal immigrant household. My parents liked saving money and encouraged me to do the same. Somehow along the way I internalized that wasting money was immoral. Mom clipped coupons and loved promotional items from Macy’s cosmetics counters. Dad would DIY rather than pay for services (skilled or not), because he thought he could do it better and didn’t like the thought of getting scammed. Luckily I don’t remember ever facing psychological scarcity. Maybe the closest thing was the outward social comparison thing amongst the Chinese American community from my dad (so and so’s kids got a X SAT score and Y school, isn’t that great?) I didn’t have to worry about crime and we always had enough to eat. It was a childhood I’d label as humble with trappings of above median class success: safety, a 4 bedroom house on a cul de sac, and fully paid college tuition.
Thirty years later I find myself in middle age, married with children, a nice Tech Job, mortgages and investments. We live in a smaller house with a much higher cost of living. But only one of us has to work, we pay for a cleaner, therapy, and can afford Nice Things and experiences. This is not to flex, but an attempt to qualitatively describe an objective fact: we’re financially better off than 90-95% of Americans. By that measure we’ve done well. Sure, I studied hard and got a good job. American dream and all. But I have no doubt that having the good luck to be born in my circumstances set us down this path. Others are not so lucky, not through any failure of their own. We are privileged, and we need to remember it.
So why is it so easy to forget? Why is it that we constantly feel short on time, money, and energy? Why do we worry about not just our careers but also the kids’ education and career prospects?
This seems a condition of our times and culture in which we’re immersed. Despite times of plenty, it feels we’re being conditioned to feel chronic scarcity. And it's true, most people are struggling. But regardless of how much we actually have, we're still being fed the narrative. Always be hustling. Maximize efficiency. Over scheduled kids. Get ahead or get left behind. Perhaps the hereditary residue of immigrant scarcity mindset remains. Is it AI, globalization and increasing wealth inequality? Living in a Silicon Valley South Bay suburb doesn’t feel like it’s been helping in this regard either.
An aspect of mindfulness practice is to sit with feelings, pause, and ask, “this feeling, who or what does it serve?”
I have everything I need to be happy. And as such, it is my responsibility to spread happiness where I can.
